Make Plans for the Future

You may find it helpful to set short-term goals and long-range plans. If you aren’t making plans for the future, you may subconsciously believe that there is no future. Making plans in and of itself can be a pleasant and positive experience.

Support May Come From Unexpected Places

Some of your friends and family may act differently toward you after the diagnosis. They need your help. Tell them openly how you want them to treat you. Most of them will respond positively. Some people may not be able to overcome their own fears and anxiety about your illness. The people that you least expect to be of help may emerge and surprise you as your greatest support.

Don’t Be a Loner

Some people with cancer find that they are choosing to be alone because they feel so detached from the world they once knew before they were ill. If you have stopped doing what you enjoyed before the diagnosis, and you can still do it—start it again. Tell your friends what you are feeling. Ask them to help you not isolate yourself. Give yourself permission to be alone when you need to be and learn to identify when you need to be with others.

Regain and Maintain as Much Control of Your Life as Is Reasonable

Many cancer patients feel like they have to give up some control to health professionals, family and friends, and even the disease itself. The health care system sometimes makes it difficult for you to feel in charge of your care. Try not to give up more control than you want or need to. Make a list of the things you feel less control over, and decide what to take back. The desire to regain control is a normal, healthy response to a threat or stressor. Find even the simplest things that help enhance feeling in control.

Utilize the Relaxation Response

The Relaxation Response is the name used to describe a physical feeling of peacefulness and calm.  This is important to cancer patients because a relaxed state of mind and body has been shown to enhance the immune system for a period of time. It is easy to do, takes very little time, has no unpleasant side effects, and almost always leaves you feeling more calm and relaxed.

Use Hopeful Words in Relation to the Illness

To describe yourself as a “victim,” afflicted with a catastrophic, terminal, or fatal disease leaves little room for anything but despair. Try not to use those words. Why not use more hopeful words like “victor” or “survivor”? If you persuade yourself by the words you use that you are doomed, you may unconsciously give up. The language that we use can be a powerful tool in helping to retain feelings of hope, control, and wellness.

Pursue Happiness, Avoid Stress

Sincere, pleasant emotions may enhance and unpleasant emotions may suppress the power of the immune system. It seems wise to do as much as you reasonably can to maximize pleasant emotions and minimize unpleasant ones. This may seem easy to say, but sometimes difficult to do. So if you have cancer, be consciously aware of how you react to life events, how and where you spend your time, and whether or not you are enjoying yourself as much as possible.

Become Partners With Your Physician

Some patients want to just be given medical directions from their physician. Others want to be an integral part of the decision-making process. Most physicians want to act in any capacity that is in the best interest of their patients. So discuss this matter with your physician and decide what you both want the relationship to be. A strained relationship with your physician brings about unpleasant emotions for both of you and does little to help optimize your cancer treatment.

Be With Other Cancer Patients

Many people with cancer say that only another patient knows and understands what having cancer feels like. For many people with cancer, being with others who “understand” reduces feeling isolated and relieves tension. If there is not a Wellness Community or other cancer support group in your area, you might be able to connect with other lung cancer patients by contacting your physician or nurse, the Lung Cancer Alliance, or other organizations that provide services to people with cancer [See LCA's list of support groups.]. The Wellness Community also provides online support groups for a limited number of people with lung cancer. [See Resources section.]

It Is Not Necessary to Give Up Intimacy and Affection

Physical closeness and intimacy are an essential part of our lives. While you may be experiencing physical or emotional symptoms that make intimacy difficult, remember that the solution to solving problems is communication and openness between you and your partner.

Do What You Can to Keep Hope

Hopelessness is an unpleasant emotion, and many people with lung cancer and their loved ones believe that there is no hope. That’s just not true. There are millions of people in the world today for whom cancer is just a memory. There is no type of cancer that does not have some recovery rate. Hope, therefore, is not only desirable, but in many situations quite reasonable. Hope can also take many forms. If the hope of physical recovery becomes unlikely, then one can hope for spiritual or emotional recovery. Regardless, people who find something that gives them hope often do better emotionally with whatever challenges lie ahead.

Harold H. Benjamin, PhD 1994©